Sunday, 6 January 2013

Let's talk

How often do you feel absolute relief when you learn that someone is going through, or has gone through, the same thing as you?  Whether it's illness, stress, depression, baby blues, struggling to keep on top of jobs, or you just plain feel like you're losing your mind, don't you feel great when you finally confide in someone and they say "Yeah, me too!"  I can almost laugh for joy sometimes!

I think people are programmed to keep a lot of things to themselves, thinking we're the only one in the world struggling with or experiencing XYZ.  But in a world of 7 billion people, do we really think we're that unique in our battles?  Chances are there's about 3 billion people who know what you're talking about!  So why don't we talk more?  Talk.  Share.  Get it out there.  The enemy /  darkness thrives in silence - shine a light in there by talking!

So here's my share.  There's a 50-50 chance I'll be losing my job in early February.  I was told just before Christmas that my department will be dissolved, with half of the staff going, and half being redistributed (as such) around another department.  Merry Christmas, eh?
Then about two weeks later, I had an early-stage miscarriage.  If it wasn't for the positive pregnancy test, I probably wouldn't have even realised I was pregnant, given how stressed and distracted I was about work.
And in amongst those two things, I was on deadline editing my first book (written by a wonderful woman) and was up until 1am and 2am most mornings trying to get it done, only to be up again at 6am with my beautiful daughter.  But you know what?  That editing work really helped me through that month - the message in the book was great, and it took my mind off work and loss.  And those hours of the night are so magical, powerful, peaceful and beautiful.  If it hadn't been for that book, I wouldn't have had that 'peace' in my day.

So here I go into 2013, again not sure of whether my job is safe or not, and what exactly will happen if it's not, after we went through the same stress just a few months ago (though I made that cut, but I have a gut feeling I won't this time).  With a toddler and a new mortgage on a house I love and plan to be in for the next 50-odd years, it is so bloody scary to think about losing my job and starting again - having to make new friends, learn new systems and programs, new shifts and routines...  My faith in God is being tested yet again (I think God really wants me to learn this lesson because it just keeps coming back around on me!).  I know He will look after us and provide for us.  I just need to let Him.  Ahh, hard for a control freak like me!  (Perhaps that's why I keep getting the 'lesson plan')

I also need to learn to trust in God's timing.  I would be in the throes of morning sickness now, and excited for our baby to be born in August if I'd had any say or control over it.  But it wasn't meant to be.  It will happen when the time is right.  God knows when that will be.  I don't.  That sucks, but I'm learning to let go.  And it wasn't until I started sharing with my closest friends and family about my miscarriage that the pain started to ease - love, hugs and shared stories back.  Goes to show - shine a light into the darkness by talking!  There is comfort in sharing.  And as they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

My beautiful adopted mum summed up the point perfectly:  People and mostly women need to learn to share their experiences. That's one of the ways we become stronger. Ignorance of other's struggles makes us less compassionate as well as leaving us feeling alone. Let's tell the world how much we are alike and finding God in the hearts of those who love Him.

I'm also going to try and get out running again after falling off the bandwagon after the Bridge to Brisband 5km event last September.  I want to get back up to 5km, then download the Couch to 10km app!  Who knows, I might be ready to run a half marathon next year!  HA!  Having that time to myself and goals to strive for will help no end with this year's curveballs.

But above all this, in 2013 I need to learn to let go and have some fun - just roll with the punches, stop trying to fight the rollercoaster (because who knows I'm going to lose that battle?!?!), be still as often as I can, smile, laugh and enjoy all the wonderful things in my life, of which there are millions!

So buckle up 2013!  Here we go!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Jen, I'm sorry life has been rough lately. But know that I am so inspired by your attitude and your willingness to be open and brave. You rock! And may 2013 be full of wonderful surprises :)