Thursday, 21 June 2012

And now, we wait

So, the big boss made his announcement and the news is.... no news yet!  Basically, people will be made redundant and they are taking to the factory with a sword, but it's still going to be a long time before we find out whether our jobs are safe or not.  And somehow, through all this, we're supposed to still be happy, diligent, cost-effective employees!  Now, obviously the big boss has never been a little worker monkey like me with an axe hanging over his head.  Because I can bet if he had, he'd hurry it up and put the relevant people out of their misery.  And he's sitting pretty and sleeping well at night because I'm sure he's not worried about losing his house because he lost his job and can't pay the mortgage.

Okay, now I've had a vent.  Time to calm down.  But it's so hard - my brain is turning this over, and over, and over again!  It's the not knowing.  Not knowing if I'm going to keep my job or lose it.  Not knowing if my friends and co-workers will be okay, too.  Not knowing what to do next because, ladies and gentlemen, I don't WANT to lose my job, so I don't want to start planning for the "what now".  Not knowing WHEN we'll find all this out.  And there are people with more children than me, with bigger mortgages than me.  And as nice as the bank is when they give you the loan, they're not going to be so nice if we need to go in to "have a chat".

Through all this I'm trying to trust God.  So many people have told me that.  And I know God is with me always, but just because you're Christian doesn't mean life all of sudden becomes really smooth and easy, and you never have any problems again.  Quite the opposite, actually.  And a twisted part of me thinks, because I'm so worried about keeping our house, God will take it away to teach me not to put value on 'stuff'.  But if I look at all the things that had to line up perfectly in order for us to get this house, and the neighbours we have, and the neighbourhood we live in... it's got God written all over it! In a graffiti kinda way, it's that obvious!  So I try to keep reminding myself - why would God put us somewhere only to take us out again?

And I'm also trying to remember that I was in a slightly similar position a few years ago, and not only did I keep my job, but I got a better job AND a pay rise!  So perhaps it will work out that way again?  I will keep my job, be put in a new and better position and get a pay rise - though given all the cost-cutting going on, I very much doubt they're going to be giving people pay rises and firing dozens of others!

Or perhaps a whole new door will open.  Perhaps a new job will come my way that will pay enough to not lose any financial ground.  Perhaps I'll buy a lottery ticket (never bought one before in my life, however), it'll win big, and it will be enough to pay the mortgage while I go back to university and start my nursing degree!  Stranger (and cooler) things have happened!

In the meantime, there is chocolate, hugs from my husband and beautiful daughter, our health, friends and family.  And I reminded myself today - I have a job TODAY.  I don't know about tomorrow, but TODAY I have a job.  For that - for this day - I will be thankful!

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Who's teaching who, here?

As a mum, my heart often feels like it's going to explode for all the love I have inside it.  Tears of joy and wonder usually aren't too far behind but I try to keep those in check for the comfort of those around me ("Oh, here she goes again!") but I let that love bubble forth because that's what it's meant to do - we feel love so we can show love.  And no better time than from parent to child.

One of those 'I'm-so-in-love-with-my-daughter-I-think-I'm-going-to-explode' moments last week was when I was walking with my daughter as she navigated the rocky and tree-root-riddled footpath outside our house.  Every few steps she would stumble and fall, say quietly "Oh dear", before pushing herself back up to standing to keep going, over and over and over again.  It broke my heart because she never got annoyed or grizzled or cried to stayed sitting on her bottom.  She just kept getting back up.  And her SMILE!  Through all the stumbles and "Oh dears" she was smiling like she was the smartest, most clever, most talented little girl in the world.  And I hope she saw the affirmation on my face.

"Oh please!  It's just a baby learning to walk!" I hear you say.  Okay - bare with me.  I am getting somewhere with this.  Just had to gush first.

Watching my girl this occasion got me thinking.  How often do I keep getting back up when I fall?  I'm sure I would try a few times, but I would give up pretty quickly.  I'd be annoyed at myself for not perfecting whatever I was trying to do immediately.  And I'd be embarrassed that someone was WATCHING me fall repeatedly.  And I'd eventually make myself comfortable on the ground, then try to appreciate the view from where I was - come up with some 'spin' on why I was on my butt and how great it was to be down there.  I certainly wouldn't celebrate the few steps I took between falls!

My daughter kept getting up because she knew she could do it, and she knows she's meant to do it - it's hardwired into her DNA.  How many things would we keep trying to do, despite repeated failures, because we knew we could and were meant to do something?  There wouldn't be cures for diseases and vaccines for illnesses if scientists didn't have that attitude wired into their DNA, too, now would we?

Time to get back up!

Friday, 8 June 2012

Made with love

My husband and I have never had much spare cash - we've been saving hard to buy our first home, and now trying to pay it off as quickly as we can - so birthday and Christmas gifts are almost always on a budget, but come with much love and thought.  It's amazing how creative you can be with $20!

My husband's birthday falls in winter in Australia.  For the first birthday my husband had after I came on the scene, I knitted him a very 'homemade' looking scarf as part of his birthday gift.  There were more holes in it than a sieve, but it was made with love from a person with zero pervious knitting experience.  While knitting this first scarf, I had an idea - how about I knit my husband a scarf for his birthday every year, then after about 20 or so years, I can stitch them together (or get someone else to), to make a blanket.  A very special blanket, made with love - a history and a story.

If you have a loved one with a birthday in winter, and not much spare cash either, it might be a tradition you'd like to start, too.  Especially if you suck at knitting and craft - it just goes to show your loved one how much you love them :)

Happy knitting!

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Cough, cough, sniff, sniff

This week has been a sick week in our household.  First the baby got it, then I got it, then my husband finally succumbed to some lurgie he'd been fighting for a few weeks.  We've made more than a few trips to the chemist (drug store) and supermarket for supplies - namely tissues.  I didn't know how we went through so many tissues when I'd only bought two boxes the week before!  But I blame me and my stupid nose, which is still running as badly today as it was when all this started a week ago!  Grrr!

And everyone around us is sick, too.  It's the cold and flu season in Australia and just about everyone we know is battling something.  Want sympathy?  You can't have it because there's no free healthy person around to give it!  And when both mum and dad get sick, you both have to keep going!  That's a lesson that's taking some learning for us.

I remember the first time I was sick on my own.  In my mid-20s, I was living blissfully by myself after a string of crazy housemates.  It was heaven!  Then I got sick and there was no one around me to care - or help.  If I wanted an aspirin, I had to get up and get it myself.  No aspirin left?  I had to get in the car and go and get it.  I was surprised by the number of things I decided I could do without because I couldn't be bothered getting out of bed.  Ah, those were the days when I COULD stay in bed all day if I needed to!

As any mum or dad will tell you, there's no such thing as days off, sick leave or holidays - let alone pay or shift loading for working nights, weekends or public holidays!  You have to keep going because you, well, just have to.  The washing still has to get done because everyone will still need clean underwear.  The grocery shopping still needs to be done because you will still need supplies.  And food will still need to be cooked because crappy though you feel, you'll still get hungry - or someone else will.

But isn't it amazing that a baby with a cold will still zoom around the house, with snot streaming down their face, smiling and happy?  Where DO they get that energy from?  But we have been having more quiet snuggles on the couch lately, which I've loved.  Even with the snot.  I tell you, I think I've got Hairy Maclary memorised!

I had to take a day off earlier this week because I just couldn't manage a day in the office - coughing, struggling to breathe, and the sounds I made when blowing my nose were best not shared with others.  But I've also had to miss out on just over a week of running.

I had only just made it to Week 3 of the Couch 2 5km (and badly thanks to technical difficulties with a new-to-me iPod touch, a fully loaded pram and some genius who wouldn't give way on the path!) so I'm not sure what stage I'll need to start at when I do get back out there.  I'm going to try Week 3 Day 1 again and hope I can do it.

My 5km fun run event is coming up on Father's Day (September 2) and I want to be well and truly ready for it - and my 'carrot' of new sneakers if I get to the 5km mark by August is a big motivator for me because I'm running in 9-year-old runners that are heavy and leak badly!  My money's on getting back out there on Sunday... maybe next Tuesday.  Do they make running shorts with a tissue pocket???