So, the big boss made his announcement and the news is.... no news yet! Basically, people will be made redundant and they are taking to the factory with a sword, but it's still going to be a long time before we find out whether our jobs are safe or not. And somehow, through all this, we're supposed to still be happy, diligent, cost-effective employees! Now, obviously the big boss has never been a little worker monkey like me with an axe hanging over his head. Because I can bet if he had, he'd hurry it up and put the relevant people out of their misery. And he's sitting pretty and sleeping well at night because I'm sure he's not worried about losing his house because he lost his job and can't pay the mortgage.
Okay, now I've had a vent. Time to calm down. But it's so hard - my brain is turning this over, and over, and over again! It's the not knowing. Not knowing if I'm going to keep my job or lose it. Not knowing if my friends and co-workers will be okay, too. Not knowing what to do next because, ladies and gentlemen, I don't WANT to lose my job, so I don't want to start planning for the "what now". Not knowing WHEN we'll find all this out. And there are people with more children than me, with bigger mortgages than me. And as nice as the bank is when they give you the loan, they're not going to be so nice if we need to go in to "have a chat".
Through all this I'm trying to trust God. So many people have told me that. And I know God is with me always, but just because you're Christian doesn't mean life all of sudden becomes really smooth and easy, and you never have any problems again. Quite the opposite, actually. And a twisted part of me thinks, because I'm so worried about keeping our house, God will take it away to teach me not to put value on 'stuff'. But if I look at all the things that had to line up perfectly in order for us to get this house, and the neighbours we have, and the neighbourhood we live in... it's got God written all over it! In a graffiti kinda way, it's that obvious! So I try to keep reminding myself - why would God put us somewhere only to take us out again?
And I'm also trying to remember that I was in a slightly similar position a few years ago, and not only did I keep my job, but I got a better job AND a pay rise! So perhaps it will work out that way again? I will keep my job, be put in a new and better position and get a pay rise - though given all the cost-cutting going on, I very much doubt they're going to be giving people pay rises and firing dozens of others!
Or perhaps a whole new door will open. Perhaps a new job will come my way that will pay enough to not lose any financial ground. Perhaps I'll buy a lottery ticket (never bought one before in my life, however), it'll win big, and it will be enough to pay the mortgage while I go back to university and start my nursing degree! Stranger (and cooler) things have happened!
In the meantime, there is chocolate, hugs from my husband and beautiful daughter, our health, friends and family. And I reminded myself today - I have a job TODAY. I don't know about tomorrow, but TODAY I have a job. For that - for this day - I will be thankful!