So, my daughter and I went on a little adventure on the bus the other week - just to the local shops to get a few groceries - and while we were out, I ran into a mother from a mothers' group I used to go to. There was something in her face and body language that told me she really didn't want to talk to me, but was 'caught' when I said "Hello" and politely chatted anyway. After a few minutes, I gave her a quick out: "Well, we should go and catch our bus home, and I don't want to keep you." She gladly took it and shot off into the supermarket.
My own insecurities kicked in. My daughter was dressed for a day of mucking around at home, in her slightly mismatched hand-me-downs, a little bit of stubborn breakfast on her face; I was pushing a hand-me-down stroller, and looking 'casual chic' in my own ensemble. Her daughter looked gorgeous in a sweet, clean little dress, and while the mum was having a 'home' day too, her summer dress was gorgeous, flattering, and matched her shoes perfectly. My daughter and I looked like the riffraff neighbours, and she and her daughter looked like the well-to-do from a few suburbs over!
"Perhaps," I thought, "she doesn't want to talk to me because we look 'poor' with our clothes choices today. And maybe she thinks we're weird because we caught the bus here." And as we walked back to the bus stop, I made myself come at it from another perspective.
Perhaps she didn't want to talk to us because she knew in about 5 minutes her daughter would be beyond tired and would crack a nana? Perhaps she had a tradesman coming to her house and she really needed to get home? Perhaps SHE felt like a dork in her lovely summer dress (which would be crazy because she looked great!) and was embarrassed to be caught out by someone who knew her? We always jump straight to ourselves to explain someone else's behaviour, when you often have no idea what the other person is experiencing.
But one thing that I held on to and made me feel really good, was the job I've been doing with my daughter. While I'm so far from being a perfect mum it's funny, that day I was taking my girl for her first ride on a bus because she loves seeing them when we're driving in the car - she's always the first to spot one, even when it's blocks away! We were having an adventure!
And while I was chatting to this other mother, my daughter was wandering around between us, going a few metres away to touch a shop window, then coming back to me, then toddling over to the plant display outside the supermarket to touch the leaves, then back to me. All the while I could see her, and she could see me and was staying close while still checking out her surroundings.
"So what?" I hear you say. Well, this other mother ran to grab her daughter just for touching a shop's display window. She wasn't banging on it, or screaming - just touching, and looking back at her mummy. And she was touching the glass window because there was a delicious, creamy-looking cake on the other side! Who wouldn't want to touch that! And after fetching the girl and firming placing her on her hip, and watching my daughter just potter around us, she said: "Oh, I could never let Mary down in a place like this. She'd touch the plants!"
"So what?" I thought to myself. So what if she touches the plants? If you're there and she's not pulling the leaves off or tipping the plants over, so what? I realised on the walk back to the bus, that while my daughter and I might not always be beautifully dressed when we go out, I'm giving her a chance to experience the world around her, when some children aren't. We went for a ride on a bus - and she had fun! I let her down to investigate the shops, but always kept an eye on her and would naturally have corrected her or picked her up if she was doing something wrong or getting in someone's way. And in some small way, I hope that's helping her development and view of the world.
And today we're off to the shop again, and I wonder who my daughter is going to make friends with today - who she is going to smile at, and who will smile back at her. You never know who's day your child's smile will brighten if they're not given a chance to flash that gummy grin at others!
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
Saturday, 3 November 2012
Two of my favourite recipes
Here are two of my family's dinner favourites. They're cheap and easy to make, and my 20-month-old thinks they're delicious!
Vegetarian lasagna
Ingredients
4-5 cups diced vegetables (I use onion, eggplant, mushrooms, zucchini and yellow button squash. But mix it up with whatever you have and like)
500g tub ricotta cheese
4 cloves garlic
2-3 stock cubes (I use vegetable stock but beef also works really well)
1 egg
instant lasagna sheets
1 big bottle of tomato puree (passata)
2 cups grated cheese
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
olive oil
oregano
rosemary
thyme
Method
Heat the olive oil in a large saucepan over a medium heat and cook the onion until translucent (*you could add hamburger here if you like). Turn the heat up and add all your diced veggies and a tablespoon of oregano. Stir to coat all the veggies in oil and herbs and cook until they start to soften. Add the passata, stock cubes, garlic and other herbs to your liking. Add about 1/2 cup water and simmer until it starts to thicken (about 15-20 minutes). (I know it's a bit more work, but it really does make the taste SO much better pre-cooking the veggies at this stage.)
In a small bowl, combine the ricotta, 1/2 the grated cheese, all the parmesan cheese, egg and 1/2 teaspoon of oregano (*I've also added a few shakes of nutmeg here, which is good!)
To cook
Spray the slowcooker bowl with non-stick/oil spray.
Spread a bit of the tomato veggie sauce on the base of the crockpot (to stop sticking) and place a layer of lasagne sheets down; top with tomato veggie sauce and blob over a little of the ricotta mixture; cover with another layer of lasagna sheets. Repeat this two or three more times, finishing with a layer of ricotta and sprinkle with the rest of the cheese.
I cook it on "low" for up to six hours. You could also cook on "high" for three or four hours. In a pinch, I've also cooked this in the oven at 180 degrees for an hour, as you do with a normal lasagna. Serve with garlic or herb bread, and because there's so many vegetables in it, you don't have to serve it with salad!
Tuna cauliflower cheese
Ingredients
A 500g tin of tuna (I use the one in spring water)
Half small cauliflower, broken or cut up into small florets
1/2 small head of broccoli, broken or cut up into small florets
Big handful of green beans
Medium can of corn kernels
1/2 cup rissoni pasta (or any small pasta shapes you've got on hand)
1-2 tablespoons of butter
about 1/3 cup plain flour
1 1/2 cups milk (I use skim but it doesn't matter really)
1 cup of grated cheese
Method
Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees. Boil, steam or microwave cauliflower, broccoli and beans until tender. Cook the pasta until al'dente. Set aside.
In a small saucepan, make your white sauce - melt about 2 tablespoons of butter over medium-high heat; add enough plain flour to soak up the butter (about 1/3 cup'ish). Stir around for about a minute to cook off the flour some. Gradually add the milk and keep stirring until thickened - add a little more milk if it's too thick. Add a small handful of the cheese, salt and pepper to taste and stir to combine.
Spread the vegetables, corn and pasta over the base of an oven-proof baking dish. Drain the tuna and break up over the vegetables. Pour the cheesey white sauce over the top and stir a little to combine. Top with the rest of the grated cheese and bake in the oven until the top is golden brown. Serve with a green salad and crusty bread.
I hope your family enjoys these as much as mine does!
Vegetarian lasagna
Ingredients
4-5 cups diced vegetables (I use onion, eggplant, mushrooms, zucchini and yellow button squash. But mix it up with whatever you have and like)
500g tub ricotta cheese
4 cloves garlic
2-3 stock cubes (I use vegetable stock but beef also works really well)
1 egg
instant lasagna sheets
1 big bottle of tomato puree (passata)
2 cups grated cheese
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
olive oil
oregano
rosemary
thyme
Method
Heat the olive oil in a large saucepan over a medium heat and cook the onion until translucent (*you could add hamburger here if you like). Turn the heat up and add all your diced veggies and a tablespoon of oregano. Stir to coat all the veggies in oil and herbs and cook until they start to soften. Add the passata, stock cubes, garlic and other herbs to your liking. Add about 1/2 cup water and simmer until it starts to thicken (about 15-20 minutes). (I know it's a bit more work, but it really does make the taste SO much better pre-cooking the veggies at this stage.)
In a small bowl, combine the ricotta, 1/2 the grated cheese, all the parmesan cheese, egg and 1/2 teaspoon of oregano (*I've also added a few shakes of nutmeg here, which is good!)
To cook
Spray the slowcooker bowl with non-stick/oil spray.
Spread a bit of the tomato veggie sauce on the base of the crockpot (to stop sticking) and place a layer of lasagne sheets down; top with tomato veggie sauce and blob over a little of the ricotta mixture; cover with another layer of lasagna sheets. Repeat this two or three more times, finishing with a layer of ricotta and sprinkle with the rest of the cheese.
I cook it on "low" for up to six hours. You could also cook on "high" for three or four hours. In a pinch, I've also cooked this in the oven at 180 degrees for an hour, as you do with a normal lasagna. Serve with garlic or herb bread, and because there's so many vegetables in it, you don't have to serve it with salad!
Tuna cauliflower cheese
Ingredients
A 500g tin of tuna (I use the one in spring water)
Half small cauliflower, broken or cut up into small florets
1/2 small head of broccoli, broken or cut up into small florets
Big handful of green beans
Medium can of corn kernels
1/2 cup rissoni pasta (or any small pasta shapes you've got on hand)
1-2 tablespoons of butter
about 1/3 cup plain flour
1 1/2 cups milk (I use skim but it doesn't matter really)
1 cup of grated cheese
Method
Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees. Boil, steam or microwave cauliflower, broccoli and beans until tender. Cook the pasta until al'dente. Set aside.
In a small saucepan, make your white sauce - melt about 2 tablespoons of butter over medium-high heat; add enough plain flour to soak up the butter (about 1/3 cup'ish). Stir around for about a minute to cook off the flour some. Gradually add the milk and keep stirring until thickened - add a little more milk if it's too thick. Add a small handful of the cheese, salt and pepper to taste and stir to combine.
Spread the vegetables, corn and pasta over the base of an oven-proof baking dish. Drain the tuna and break up over the vegetables. Pour the cheesey white sauce over the top and stir a little to combine. Top with the rest of the grated cheese and bake in the oven until the top is golden brown. Serve with a green salad and crusty bread.
I hope your family enjoys these as much as mine does!
Saturday, 6 October 2012
Dear 20-year-old me...
If you could go back and talk to yourself at a particular point in time, how old would your younger self be, and what would you say?
There are a few points in my past that I really could have done with some grown-up-me advice. Like when I was 16 and suffering depression because I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and didn't think I was smart enough to do anything other than menial labour. Like when I had my heart broken for the first time by the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with - I was 18 and extremely naive, as all 18-year-olds are! Or like when I could have confronted my dad about his affair but I didn't have the courage.
But the point in my life where I really needed the grown-up me to step in for a chat, was in my very early 20s. And it's all about love, self worth and knowing God and His love for me. And it would go something like this:
"That guy doesn't love you - he's just trying to get into your pants. And he doesn't even think your pants are that special - to him you're just another chick. If you say no and stick to your guns, he'll break your heart in order to find another girl who will believe his lines and jump into bed with him. Trust me, the temporarily broken heart is the better option!
"The love you are searching for so badly, and that you think is in the arms of any guy who smiles at you and holds your hand, is already with you. GOD loves you madly and passionately just as you are! He can fill the void you're trying to fill. He has great plans for your life, that include love, trust, faith, honesty, loyalty, children, a house, laughter, a good job and friends. You're breaking God's heart by selling yourself short to these men who in 15 years, won't even remember your name. Hec, they're likely to forget you after 15 months! They're damaging your soul and your heart. Your heart is precious, it's unique and wonderful and special and worth guarding with all your might! Be strong. Find your faith. Hang on. Your "one" is coming.
"And even though you won't be rich when you're older, grab whatever cash you can and invest in something called Apple. And DO NOT dye your hair blonde - you'll look ridiculous for a good year trying to undo that damage! And sorry, your freckles don't fade away and you'll still get pimples into your 30s."
I was talking to my husband and my mum in the last few weeks (not in the same conversation) about why I dated so many 'wrong' men, and went out drinking and partying in my early 20s. And I think it's because of three reasons: 1) Everyone else was doing it, and I finally had some money and freedom. 2) I was so desperate to find love that I did what I thought you did to find it. And 3) I had no other role models in my life to show me any other way of being a woman in her early 20s, and I had all the wrong information.
I didn't know a single active Christian woman back then. I didn't have anyone to tell me, "Hey Jen, that's not what you're supposed to do. It doesn't make you feel very good, does it? That's because that's not what God wants you to do. There's a much better way to live your life right now!" And I probably would have ignored that one person, but if they were part of a group, and one of many voices, they might have stood a much better chance of getting through my thick 20-year-old head!
I could, and have spent a lot of time wondering "what if". What if I hadn't gotten into that relationship? What if I didn't get on that plane? What if I didn't go out clubbing? I mean, how much more money would I have now! Cha-ching! But wishing I had made different choices in my youth is pointless, because I can't go back and change a single thing. And yes, it's true that all those experiences helped shape who I am today, but I know the who-I-am-today, while wiser and pretty darn fantastic, has hurt and pain woven into my fabric that was never part of God's pattern for my life.
So, let this blog post stand for one voice against the millions of others, telling you, young woman or teenage girl (if any of you happen to be reading this) - there IS a better way to live your life than throwing yourself at a man, trying to find love. Sex does not equal love. If a boy doesn't like you, sleeping with him isn't going to change that. But know the truth that GOD loves you, and has wonderful things in store for your life. Guard your heart! Don't give your love or body away. You are worth protecting. Don't believe the lies those boys are telling you. You are special, beautiful and unique. Be strong. Find your faith. Hang on. Your "one" is coming.
There are a few points in my past that I really could have done with some grown-up-me advice. Like when I was 16 and suffering depression because I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and didn't think I was smart enough to do anything other than menial labour. Like when I had my heart broken for the first time by the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with - I was 18 and extremely naive, as all 18-year-olds are! Or like when I could have confronted my dad about his affair but I didn't have the courage.
But the point in my life where I really needed the grown-up me to step in for a chat, was in my very early 20s. And it's all about love, self worth and knowing God and His love for me. And it would go something like this:
"That guy doesn't love you - he's just trying to get into your pants. And he doesn't even think your pants are that special - to him you're just another chick. If you say no and stick to your guns, he'll break your heart in order to find another girl who will believe his lines and jump into bed with him. Trust me, the temporarily broken heart is the better option!
"The love you are searching for so badly, and that you think is in the arms of any guy who smiles at you and holds your hand, is already with you. GOD loves you madly and passionately just as you are! He can fill the void you're trying to fill. He has great plans for your life, that include love, trust, faith, honesty, loyalty, children, a house, laughter, a good job and friends. You're breaking God's heart by selling yourself short to these men who in 15 years, won't even remember your name. Hec, they're likely to forget you after 15 months! They're damaging your soul and your heart. Your heart is precious, it's unique and wonderful and special and worth guarding with all your might! Be strong. Find your faith. Hang on. Your "one" is coming.
"And even though you won't be rich when you're older, grab whatever cash you can and invest in something called Apple. And DO NOT dye your hair blonde - you'll look ridiculous for a good year trying to undo that damage! And sorry, your freckles don't fade away and you'll still get pimples into your 30s."
I was talking to my husband and my mum in the last few weeks (not in the same conversation) about why I dated so many 'wrong' men, and went out drinking and partying in my early 20s. And I think it's because of three reasons: 1) Everyone else was doing it, and I finally had some money and freedom. 2) I was so desperate to find love that I did what I thought you did to find it. And 3) I had no other role models in my life to show me any other way of being a woman in her early 20s, and I had all the wrong information.
I didn't know a single active Christian woman back then. I didn't have anyone to tell me, "Hey Jen, that's not what you're supposed to do. It doesn't make you feel very good, does it? That's because that's not what God wants you to do. There's a much better way to live your life right now!" And I probably would have ignored that one person, but if they were part of a group, and one of many voices, they might have stood a much better chance of getting through my thick 20-year-old head!
I could, and have spent a lot of time wondering "what if". What if I hadn't gotten into that relationship? What if I didn't get on that plane? What if I didn't go out clubbing? I mean, how much more money would I have now! Cha-ching! But wishing I had made different choices in my youth is pointless, because I can't go back and change a single thing. And yes, it's true that all those experiences helped shape who I am today, but I know the who-I-am-today, while wiser and pretty darn fantastic, has hurt and pain woven into my fabric that was never part of God's pattern for my life.
So, let this blog post stand for one voice against the millions of others, telling you, young woman or teenage girl (if any of you happen to be reading this) - there IS a better way to live your life than throwing yourself at a man, trying to find love. Sex does not equal love. If a boy doesn't like you, sleeping with him isn't going to change that. But know the truth that GOD loves you, and has wonderful things in store for your life. Guard your heart! Don't give your love or body away. You are worth protecting. Don't believe the lies those boys are telling you. You are special, beautiful and unique. Be strong. Find your faith. Hang on. Your "one" is coming.
Wednesday, 19 September 2012
Bye-bye pre-baby body
A baby changes your figure. There's no way around it. Even if you lose the weight (and I'm about 5kg off), there's all that extra skin that was stretched to buggery when your stomach was out to wharzoo. And your boobs, whether you breastfeed or not, will never be the same size again. Things move. Things expand and shrink. Therefore, so does your wardrobe.
Today I'm putting my winter clothes away and bringing out my summer clothes, and I reckon I'm about to donate $2000 worth of clothes that don't fit and will never fit me again. When I did this this time last year, I was still hopeful that I'd lose more weight and things would move back where they belonged, so I held on to a lot of it. Not this year. I understand now that this is what my body is going to be like from here on in - wider hips, bigger boobs and a softer, pudgier tummy. Tops have to be long enough to cover my tummy now. Shorts have to be long enough to cover most of my thighs. And muffin tops are only good for eating!
I'm going to be a little sad today, mourning the loss of my pre-baby body. Hec, I looked great a few years ago, but as with most women, I didn't appreciate it then - I do now though! And in about 10 years time, I'll probably appreciate my 33-year-old figure more than I do now! However, I'd much rather cull all my tight and ill-fitting clothes now, leaving only comfortable clothes that fit me well, rather than prolong the pain throughout summer, getting upset every time I pull out a pair of shorts that I can't get past my knees, or a top whose buttons refuse to stay shut across my chest. In short, I'm taking steps now to ensure a happy summer season ahead!
In other news, I ran my first 5km fun run on September 2 and it was WONDERFUL! I went for my first run last night since the race two-and-a-half weeks ago and it felt great! It hurt, and I was thankful that I had to wait at two rail crossings so I could stretch and catch my breath, but I'm back on the bandwagon! I just need to find another fun run to keep me moving on these forthcoming hot Australian evenings! Ahh, summer in Australia. Bleck!
Today I'm putting my winter clothes away and bringing out my summer clothes, and I reckon I'm about to donate $2000 worth of clothes that don't fit and will never fit me again. When I did this this time last year, I was still hopeful that I'd lose more weight and things would move back where they belonged, so I held on to a lot of it. Not this year. I understand now that this is what my body is going to be like from here on in - wider hips, bigger boobs and a softer, pudgier tummy. Tops have to be long enough to cover my tummy now. Shorts have to be long enough to cover most of my thighs. And muffin tops are only good for eating!
I'm going to be a little sad today, mourning the loss of my pre-baby body. Hec, I looked great a few years ago, but as with most women, I didn't appreciate it then - I do now though! And in about 10 years time, I'll probably appreciate my 33-year-old figure more than I do now! However, I'd much rather cull all my tight and ill-fitting clothes now, leaving only comfortable clothes that fit me well, rather than prolong the pain throughout summer, getting upset every time I pull out a pair of shorts that I can't get past my knees, or a top whose buttons refuse to stay shut across my chest. In short, I'm taking steps now to ensure a happy summer season ahead!
In other news, I ran my first 5km fun run on September 2 and it was WONDERFUL! I went for my first run last night since the race two-and-a-half weeks ago and it felt great! It hurt, and I was thankful that I had to wait at two rail crossings so I could stretch and catch my breath, but I'm back on the bandwagon! I just need to find another fun run to keep me moving on these forthcoming hot Australian evenings! Ahh, summer in Australia. Bleck!
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Cranky pre-holiday mummy!
When I was a kid, I could never understand why my mum got so stressed before we went away on holidays. On hearing mum’s ominous stamping feet going up or down the hallway, or slamming cupboard doors, I’d bravely pipe up: “Chill out, mum. We’ll be leaving for holidays the day after tomorrow!” Which was almost always received with “Uh? Grumble, mumble, grrr, grumble, argh!” But as with most things recently, I appreciate now exactly how mum was feeling!
You see, we’re going camping next week. I’m not really a camper. I’ve never been a camper. I have very little idea of how to be a camper. But I love simple things, peace, quiet and cheap holidays, so I’m embracing the idea wholeheartedly. But there’s a lot more packing and planning when it comes to camping, and when you’re a novice (with a toddler and a work schedule, but more on that later), you’ve really got no idea what you’re doing – “Saucepans. Saucepans? One or two? One? Um. Meh, in they go!”
My wonderful in-laws are joining us on our holiday, and my mother-in-law rattled off about 30 things to pack last time we went to visit them, (most of which will be in use until the last moments before we leave), which I madly scribbled down. This list is now my camping survival guide and I’m clutching on to that piece of paper for all I’m worth! It could be the only thing keeping me together right now!
I finished work today, so you’d think I’d have the next five days to plan and pack everything up with a neat little bow by Sunday night, with plenty of time and mental ability left to cook everyone a hearty breakfast (and wash it all up) before we back ourselves out of the driveway on Monday morning. “Heaps of time, you big girl’s blouse! What’s your issue and so worth writing about?” Yep. Good point.
This week has got to be the most event-jam-packed week I’ve had since our wedding!
But firstly, there’s our daughter who enthusiastically “unpacks” at a rate faster than I can pack, and with more enthusiasm and speed than I can match for repacking! Then, my father and his new wife are coming to visit, have lunch and take us out for dinner… twice. (Normally a welcome event… except this week when all I want to do is pack and cross things off my list!). Then there’s Father’s Day and making a fuss of my amazing husband. And the long-trained-for, long-talked-about 5km fun run! Add to that washing, cleaning, a trip to visit my mum, the library, grocery shopping and still making breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, and remembering to feed my daughter and give her “mulk” at 10am and 3pm and get her to sleep at 12.30pm and 6pm and I’m about ready to crumble in a heap! I can’t guarantee I’m going to brush my hair or my teeth every morning this week, so be prepared if we’ve scheduled a catch-up I’ve probably forgotten about!
Thursday, 9 August 2012
I'm such an old lady
I'm sorry to say, I had a grown-up hissy fit this week. In the throes of hormonal upheaval (never a good time to take new information on board), I tried to learn something new and my brain, emotions and temper just couldn't take it. I wanted to throw something across the room. Instead, I went and had a long shower and cried to my husband afterwards about how dumb it all made me feel. Then I sent myself to my room and took myself off to bed!
Let's back up a bit and start at the beginning.
I'm a simple gal, and I don't like change much, and, to be honest, my natural reaction to tough situations is to run away. In recent years and in my line of work, this has shown itself most often in learning new computer programs. With age and practice, I make myself sit still and keep plugging at it until it clicks (and it always does and quickly becomes second nature), but let me tell you, lots of cells in my body are screaming "Run away! Run away now!" during the learning process!
Now, being a simple gal, I have very low tech needs. I have a "dumb" phone just for calls and texts because I don't want or need a phone that does anything else. I couldn't care if I was the last person on the planet with an old phone. I don't buy into the brew-ha-ha about having to have the latest "this", "that" or "the other" (or with modern consumer behaviour, it's more like "this", "that" AND "the other" in white AND black, please). But this Stone Age behaviour of mine means I am low-tech in gadget knowledge, too.
So, on Tuesday night, after graduating from my Couch to 5km running program, I wanted to go for a run on my own, with music to listen to. For the past nine weeks, I have been running to the sound of traffic and my own gasping breath. Now, the last time I needed mobile music, Walkmans were still the rage. I had a yellow one, and I rewound it or fast-forwarded through the tracks using a biro from my pencil case. But the 2012 process of learning to run required an iPod and the Couch to 5km App. My husband (very tech and gadget savvy) borrowed an iPod touch from a friend, and knowing I was clueless and with a "please help" from me, he bought and downloaded the App for me, set it up and showed me how to turn it on and start the App. Piece of cake.
Now, on Tuesday, nine weeks on, I thought it high time I learned how to use this gadget I'd been running with for two months, and I asked my husband to teach me how to put music on it. Ah, that was the beginning of the end! Having to register it, and put my credit card details in, and name folders and find music... ARGH! Why so hard!?!? The way I moaned and "how come?"d my husband made me sound like I was 80, lamenting about the good old days, and how the world today has gone mad! The urge to hurl the thing against the wall and storm off in a 3(3)-year-old huff was immense! At least I was mature enough to give myself a time-out and send myself to my room!
But the simple truth is that I AM a simple gal. I don't like gadgets and they baffle the bajeepers out of me. I have an old TV that weighs a tonne and I'm fine with that. I don't want any Apple products and would happily do without them if it wasn't for a desire to see the progress I'm making with running, without the need of maps and the car's odometer to measure the distance. I work on computers all day and the last thing I want to do when I get home is pull out a smaller version of the same screen that I've been staring at all day. I'd much rather talk to my husband, read my daughter stories and cuddle her to sleep, and watch TV, and have a long shower and read a book. Am I so odd in my lack of tech-gadget savvy? Does this cheese stand alone?
But I know if I just keep forcing myself to use it, I'll get it eventually. I always do, and I'll be laughing at myself... eventually. I might just need a few more time-outs along the way!
Let's back up a bit and start at the beginning.
I'm a simple gal, and I don't like change much, and, to be honest, my natural reaction to tough situations is to run away. In recent years and in my line of work, this has shown itself most often in learning new computer programs. With age and practice, I make myself sit still and keep plugging at it until it clicks (and it always does and quickly becomes second nature), but let me tell you, lots of cells in my body are screaming "Run away! Run away now!" during the learning process!
Now, being a simple gal, I have very low tech needs. I have a "dumb" phone just for calls and texts because I don't want or need a phone that does anything else. I couldn't care if I was the last person on the planet with an old phone. I don't buy into the brew-ha-ha about having to have the latest "this", "that" or "the other" (or with modern consumer behaviour, it's more like "this", "that" AND "the other" in white AND black, please). But this Stone Age behaviour of mine means I am low-tech in gadget knowledge, too.
So, on Tuesday night, after graduating from my Couch to 5km running program, I wanted to go for a run on my own, with music to listen to. For the past nine weeks, I have been running to the sound of traffic and my own gasping breath. Now, the last time I needed mobile music, Walkmans were still the rage. I had a yellow one, and I rewound it or fast-forwarded through the tracks using a biro from my pencil case. But the 2012 process of learning to run required an iPod and the Couch to 5km App. My husband (very tech and gadget savvy) borrowed an iPod touch from a friend, and knowing I was clueless and with a "please help" from me, he bought and downloaded the App for me, set it up and showed me how to turn it on and start the App. Piece of cake.
Now, on Tuesday, nine weeks on, I thought it high time I learned how to use this gadget I'd been running with for two months, and I asked my husband to teach me how to put music on it. Ah, that was the beginning of the end! Having to register it, and put my credit card details in, and name folders and find music... ARGH! Why so hard!?!? The way I moaned and "how come?"d my husband made me sound like I was 80, lamenting about the good old days, and how the world today has gone mad! The urge to hurl the thing against the wall and storm off in a 3(3)-year-old huff was immense! At least I was mature enough to give myself a time-out and send myself to my room!
But the simple truth is that I AM a simple gal. I don't like gadgets and they baffle the bajeepers out of me. I have an old TV that weighs a tonne and I'm fine with that. I don't want any Apple products and would happily do without them if it wasn't for a desire to see the progress I'm making with running, without the need of maps and the car's odometer to measure the distance. I work on computers all day and the last thing I want to do when I get home is pull out a smaller version of the same screen that I've been staring at all day. I'd much rather talk to my husband, read my daughter stories and cuddle her to sleep, and watch TV, and have a long shower and read a book. Am I so odd in my lack of tech-gadget savvy? Does this cheese stand alone?
But I know if I just keep forcing myself to use it, I'll get it eventually. I always do, and I'll be laughing at myself... eventually. I might just need a few more time-outs along the way!
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Argh, trusting in God can be so hard!
So, another friend has announced her pregnancy. This adds to a seemingly ever-increasing number of women I know who are pregnant. Before I keep going, I should state that no, my husband and I aren't infertile and aren't currently trying to have another baby, but the women who are expecting just brings home a little issue I have within myself and with God.
I always wanted a big family. Four children. A boy first, then a girl, and two random draws. In my childhood, I thought I would get married young (early 20s) and have my children while I was young, so I could enjoy them and keep up with them as they grew. I was going to be the cool, young, hip mum at the school gate, and the mum who participated on sports day and won a race or two. But, the thing is, I didn't find my beloved husband until my late 20s and we got married two weeks before I turned 30. We thought it best to "figure out how to be married" before adding kids into the mix. My oldest sister said once (or read once) "Having a baby is like throwing a grenade into a marriage." While I wouldn't go that far, it sure does test the two of you, so we wanted to strengthen our relationship a bit more before we "threw a grenade" into it! So our darling daughter wasn't born until two weeks before I turned 32. We actually left hospital with her on our second wedding anniversary.
Now! More children. Where was I? I know I'm not old, but in the fertility stakes, I think I'm bordering on middle age. I have a few more years up my sleeve, all things being equal, but my dream of having a big family has had to be surrendered. That hurts. I'm not going to be the mother-of-four I'd dreamed about, unless I'm slammed with natural triplets next time around! Eee gad! But I've had this picture in my head of our "big family" for a long time now. Perhaps that will entail taking in our children's friends and hangers-on. Perhaps. But in my heart of hearts, I want at least two or three more children of our own.
I know I'm blessed to have been able to fall pregnant naturally and relatively easily with our beautiful girl. That, in and of itself, is my life's greatest gift and blessing and accomplishment. I'm SO blessed. SO blessed. So, so many beautiful women, who would make AMAZING mothers, aren't able to have children of their own. Adoption and IVF are SO expensive and a red-tape, government-burocracy-gone-mad nightmare that many of these wonderful couples aren't even able to try that! It's not fair! I don't understand it. I get cranky at God for the injustice of it! I'm not the most patient Christian.
Which brings me to the crux of this blog post. Trusting God's plan and how freakin' hard that is! Oh, I've had many a long conversation with God - mostly one sided with me doing all the talking - about what I want my life to be like. I even picture our conversations in my head, and I can almost see God smiling and shaking his head at me and my demands and plans. "Poor foolish child. But how I love you" with a God-like chuckle (whatever your imagination makes that sound like).
I want more children. I want a big family. I've pestered God long and loud about it, but I also have to trust God knows best and has a plan for my life. For whatever reason, maybe I'm only meant to have one or two children? Perhaps having a smaller family will enable me to do something wonderful that might not be possible with a big family? Foster children? Adopt children? Take in my children's friends who otherwise don't have a loving and stable home to go to. And if that's God's plan for me - not meeting my husband until late and thereby capping our family size to "family sedan" - then so be it!
But wouldn't it be nice if God gave you a head's up? Ah, but then it wouldn't be faith, now would it?
I always wanted a big family. Four children. A boy first, then a girl, and two random draws. In my childhood, I thought I would get married young (early 20s) and have my children while I was young, so I could enjoy them and keep up with them as they grew. I was going to be the cool, young, hip mum at the school gate, and the mum who participated on sports day and won a race or two. But, the thing is, I didn't find my beloved husband until my late 20s and we got married two weeks before I turned 30. We thought it best to "figure out how to be married" before adding kids into the mix. My oldest sister said once (or read once) "Having a baby is like throwing a grenade into a marriage." While I wouldn't go that far, it sure does test the two of you, so we wanted to strengthen our relationship a bit more before we "threw a grenade" into it! So our darling daughter wasn't born until two weeks before I turned 32. We actually left hospital with her on our second wedding anniversary.
Now! More children. Where was I? I know I'm not old, but in the fertility stakes, I think I'm bordering on middle age. I have a few more years up my sleeve, all things being equal, but my dream of having a big family has had to be surrendered. That hurts. I'm not going to be the mother-of-four I'd dreamed about, unless I'm slammed with natural triplets next time around! Eee gad! But I've had this picture in my head of our "big family" for a long time now. Perhaps that will entail taking in our children's friends and hangers-on. Perhaps. But in my heart of hearts, I want at least two or three more children of our own.
I know I'm blessed to have been able to fall pregnant naturally and relatively easily with our beautiful girl. That, in and of itself, is my life's greatest gift and blessing and accomplishment. I'm SO blessed. SO blessed. So, so many beautiful women, who would make AMAZING mothers, aren't able to have children of their own. Adoption and IVF are SO expensive and a red-tape, government-burocracy-gone-mad nightmare that many of these wonderful couples aren't even able to try that! It's not fair! I don't understand it. I get cranky at God for the injustice of it! I'm not the most patient Christian.
Which brings me to the crux of this blog post. Trusting God's plan and how freakin' hard that is! Oh, I've had many a long conversation with God - mostly one sided with me doing all the talking - about what I want my life to be like. I even picture our conversations in my head, and I can almost see God smiling and shaking his head at me and my demands and plans. "Poor foolish child. But how I love you" with a God-like chuckle (whatever your imagination makes that sound like).
I want more children. I want a big family. I've pestered God long and loud about it, but I also have to trust God knows best and has a plan for my life. For whatever reason, maybe I'm only meant to have one or two children? Perhaps having a smaller family will enable me to do something wonderful that might not be possible with a big family? Foster children? Adopt children? Take in my children's friends who otherwise don't have a loving and stable home to go to. And if that's God's plan for me - not meeting my husband until late and thereby capping our family size to "family sedan" - then so be it!
But wouldn't it be nice if God gave you a head's up? Ah, but then it wouldn't be faith, now would it?
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